Healthy Competition

A high school Algebra teacher told me the other day, "I don't teach because I love it. I teach for the competition of getting the highest test scores and the lowest failure rate." (She is, of course, anonymous, but we'll call her "Becky" for the sake of discussion.)

I thought about this statement for a minute. How many things do I do, daily even, that are borne solely out of a sense of competition?

See, I'm a pretty competitive person. Most people don't get that about me; I fool them with the whole "sweet and innocent" exterior, but underneath, there is a cold, driving force that scares me sometimes. I blame basketball, really. But maybe that's not a fair statement. Even from a fairly young age, I always sought out someone to compete with. In high school, I was fortunate enough to have friends like Jeanine and Jeremy to compete with in academic endeavors. It was never antagonistic, thankfully (and I will always maintain that Jeanine remains the smarter one by far). Then came college, with a whole new group of people whose talents and knowledge and abilities were catalystic for stretching me. At work, I find myself competing in different ways, even if the competition now takes the form of being the fight against inane stupidity and poor decision-making. In grad school, I find myself entering each class with the hope that I will find someone with whom I can compete--someone whose very existence and capabilities will keep me motivated to keep putting forth not just an "A-level" effort but my best effort. And I have no doubt that, if I do marry, it will be a man who is secure enough to appreciate a mutually competitive relationship (not to mention strong enough to actually win my heart).

I work in a highly political bureaucratic environment, and I find that competition becomes a necessity at times. Fight, or be trampled. Win, or get overrun by bad ideas. Yet it is imperative that I maintain the flexibility of changing my mind if a better idea comes along. Some people, I am convinced, are competitive because they have an "I must win all the time, at all costs" complex. I could name names, but I won't. :) These are the people that frighten me more than almost anyone else, because rather than fighting hard for the greater good, they fight with all their strength to maintain their personal scoreboard, no matter what.

But I've gotten a little off track. I was talking about competition as a motivating factor. I think the thing I struggle with is the question of whether it is acceptable to do something "good" out of whatever motivation gets you there, or whether internal motivation is the ultimate question. This is something I've always struggled with.

I've always been of the opinion that intrinsic motivation is more important than what a person does, although I'd have to qualify that with the statement that if you don't do anything, it hardly matters what your motivation is because you show no fruit for your efforts (except, perhaps, the fruit of sloth, which is...more sloth?). But I always have to ask myself, "Why am I doing this?" Because it matters to me, the why.

Yet at the same time, I think there are motivating factors that are still beneficial, even if they are not ideal. Perhaps competition is one of those. Maybe there are times when we don't have enough strength to muster up the best possible motivation, or attitude, or raison d'etre. Maybe in those times, all we are expected to give is our best, the most that we can muster at that time and in that place. Maybe even this is a catalyst for a greater motivation that is to come.

Since writing the above material, I was visited by the ghost of Algebra present, and she just showed me this incredible worksheet that she developed for her students...sort of a tailor-made thing where different students will do different sorts of problems depending on what they missed on their quiz. So I should note that though she made the comment that sparked this blog, I do not fully believe it. I know she blames her drive on her sense of competition--and I acknowledge that competition is indeed a very important factor--but I also get to observe her joy when just one student finally gets it.

Maybe, then, we all operate under many differents sorts of motivation all at once, and the only one we recognize is the one our eyes are open to see at a given time.