Lessons on Losing Caffeine

Those of you who know me well have observed me quit, then start, then quit caffeine multiple times. I've never felt it to be an addiction; in all honesty, it is the times it comes close to being one that remind me to quit again. But though caffeine has not been the detrimental habit that it could be, it often claims too much of me (and too much of my money). And I don't like that.

This year, I decided to give up coffee for Lent. This isn't the first time I've chosen coffee, and I'm almost sad to say I chose it this year more because I decided I didn't have time to do my Messiah project again (which is by far the coolest Lent activity I have ever done).

So, no coffee. That was the beginning of March. A few days in, it became abundantly clear that I was going to have to give up caffeine altogether because I just don't like pop enough to drink it every day (feels like I'm just ingesting chemicals--yuck!). I waited till Spring Break so I could go through the withdrawal during a time when I would actually be sleeping at night. And after the headaches and the shakiness wore off (there's nothing like cold turkey), I felt a peace that I had been missing for quite some time.

And suddenly, I was able to sleep again at night (something I've struggled with all semester). In fact, I often find that instead of being able to push myself staying up till all hours of the night, my body forces me to go to sleep. It's kind of irritating, but it made me think. Maybe we're not meant to have the control over our bodies that caffeine exerts. Maybe there's a time when we're just too tired and need to sleep, no matter what we think we still need to get done. Maybe that's healthy. :)

I'm not saying you should all stop drinking caffeine. That's between you and your body and, well, God. But I do find myself relying on Him more without the external stimulant. And I find myself more at peace, and rested, and able to be at my best when I am not normally at my best (such as my 8:00 a.m. Hebrew class). Will I ever drink caffeine again? Of course. Will it become a regular habit again? I hope not, but it's quite possible.

The thing is, I hope I never forget how it feels to be free of it. Because that's what I am right now: free. Even if it means I have to feel my tiredness sometimes. And I can walk past the coffee shop, inhale its sweet aroma, and revel in the fact that when I have coffee again, I will enjoy it for its own sake and not because I need it.

This is how it feels to be free. And I'm going to relish every minute.