I had about four things I wanted to blog about earlier today, but now that evening's shadow has crossed my doorstep, I find that I really don't have a lot to say. This weekend has been good. I have been completely anti-social. I have begun a major "purging" project in an effort to finally settle into the room I've been living in for almost a year now. I cut my fingertip open with scissors (accidentally, of course) and it bled profusely. I found a credit card that has been missing since the move last summer. I pried deeply rooted weeds out of the dirt. (I just spelled dirt "durt," so I must be tired.) I got an awkward sunburn on my inner legs as I sat cross-legged weeding in direct sunlight. I listened as my next-door neighbor shared the details of her somewhat disturbing sleeping and urination patterns.
All in all, a full and interesting weekend.
A lot of stuff--three full trashbags so far, and more to come--is sitting on the curb waiting for the trash people to come take it away. I think Becky must think I'm crazy because I have to look at everything before I get rid of it. It's like there's a memory connected to everything, and I have to experience that memory one last time and say goodbye to whatever it is before I can let it go. Yesterday was really hard. I threw away piles of letters and cards from people I don't talk to anymore, or people who are now deceased, or people I used to be "in love with" and now am not. I'm compressing, compiling. Maybe sometime soon, my life will fit into a nice, neat, little box (minus the dust bunnies). That's the goal, isn't it? Maybe someday my life will fit into a suitcase. Compressed, compiled, and portable. Then maybe I would be free.
We all hold onto our baggage in some way; maybe keeping "stuff" is mine. Maybe this is my way of letting it go. What's the point of holding on to things that no longer exist, anyway? Or if things do still exist, why hold onto "stuff" when you've got the person/thing still around?
This is a new realm of thought for me, but I'm trying to branch out. Try new things. Let go. Move on. Be ready for change.
There's an Elton John song that I just adore called "Skyline Pigeon." Some of the lyrics just get me sometimes. This weekend, in my uncharacteristically emotional state, the song has felt more than mildly appropriate. It's better with music (I recommend the live recording from Here and There), but I thought I'd share it anyway.
Skyline Pigeon
Music by Elton John
Lyrics by Bernie Taupin
Turn me loose from your hands
Let me fly to distant lands
Over green fields, trees and mountains
Flowers and forest fountains
Home along the lanes of the skyway
For this dark and lonely room
Projects a shadow cast in gloom
And my eyes are mirrors
Of the world outside
Thinking of the ways
That the wind can turn the tide
And these shadows turn
From purple into grey
For just a skyline pigeon
Dreaming of the open
Waiting for the day
He can spread his wings
And fly away again
Fly away, skyline pigeon fly
Towards the things
You've left so very far behind
Fly away, skyline pigeon fly
Towards the dreams
You've left so very far behind
Just let me wake up in the morning
To the smell of new mown hay
To laugh and cry, to live and die
In the brightness of my day
I want to hear the pealing bells
Of distant churches sing
But most of all please free me
From this aching metal ring
And open out this cage towards the sun
For just a skyline pigeon
Dreaming of the open
Waiting for the day
He can spread his wings
And fly away again
Fly away, skyline pigeon fly
Towards the things
You've left so very far behind
Fly away, skyline pigeon fly
Towards the dreams you've left so very...
So very far behind
© 1969 Cookaway Music Limited
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