It's funny. You'd think the summer would be a time for rest and relaxation. And I'm not complaining: school is out, I'm not taking summer classes, and I somehow got summer correspondence to happen once again this year. I'm grateful for all of these things.
But May never feels like summer because it is in no way a break. I start with residual summer correspondence issues/projects, move on to calculating and submitting grades, administer homeschool testing, and finally judge a handful of events for a highly chaotic high school competition. Once May is over, I can breathe and perhaps think about vacation. But for now, it's a little hectic.
A friend was in the States this weekend on a brief reprieve from her Peace Corps stint in Ecuador. In talking to her, I was reminded how many people in other parts of the world live. They aren't as driven as we are. They take time for the good things. They work, but they don't work all day and all night. They take long lunch breaks and siestas. They make time for the people in their lives. I can see the difference in Chandi's face. She is completely relaxed; she is happy.
I, on the other hand, would like to know what it feels like to not have to take work home at night. I'd like to not feel guilty when I'm resting or doing fun things.
We drive ourselves to this madness, and we promote it in our fellows. It seems so silly, really. Do we really accomplish more by pushing ourselves this hard? What do we really gain in the end?
Random topic switch: Am I the only person who is bothered by the fact that an online journal can never be private--in fact, was never intended to be private--and yet for it to be a true medium for us to convey our private thoughts, it must for a time seem as though it is private even though it isn't?
Ok, that was a major collision of thought. I just realized I wanted to blog about something, but I don't know how to blog about it because I really don't know what to say. And even if I did know what to say, I wouldn't be sure if I wanted all of you out there in Cyberland to know it. Heck, it's stuff I haven't even shared with my closest friends. All these thoughts and feelings bouncing around inside of me. I'll have to find my "real" journal....
Pray for me, if you would. Don't ask me why, because honestly, I wouldn't know what to tell you. But change is coming. Not sure what. Not sure when. Just sure.
1 comment:
Do you remember that mini-book we read in college, "Tyrany of the Urgent"? (I wish I still had it! Becky--do you have it?) Sadly, that's how I live my life--running from one urgent task to another one, never really taking time for the things that are truly important. I've been thinking about this lately, as I survey my kitchen piled high with dishes and the stack of laundry waiting to be folded; the tests that need to be graded and phone calls that need to be returned...
Especially with Anna on the way, I know that there are some things (many things) that I'm going to have to let go of, like the late nights at school and never sitting down at night b/c there's always something (i.e. dinner dishes, laundry, cleaning) to be done. When I look back on this season of my life, I want to remember the moments I spent with friends and family, not how clean my house was or how devoted I was to my job. After all, aren't relationships more important than accomplishments? It's sobering to realize that if I were to die today, I would wish that I had spent more time with my husband, gone to the beach at sunrise and sunset, walked the dog more, read the books I "haven't had time" to read, worried a whole lot less, and spent more time with God. In the end, the things that are truly important to me are polar opposites of my daily priorities.
Where do we begin to bridge the gap between what we do and what we truly want to do?
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