Excerpts from Eats, Shoots and Leaves

Thanks to Heidi (who lent it to me) and Jennifer (who kept reminding me that I needed to read it), I am now reading the most amazing book. It's called Eats, Shoots and Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation by Lynne Truss.

Ordinarily, I would not be recommending what sounds like a grammar book. Oh, I would read it--no doubt--but I would hide it away in the shadows of my thought, perhaps a bit ashamed to reveal such a distinct level of nerdiness to the world. Not so, here.

If you are in any way interested in using proper grammar and puncutation, or if you are annoyed by those who don't, then I urge you to run--don't walk--to your nearest bookstore or library and pick up a copy of this book. If you are in no way interested in using proper grammar and punctuation, or if you don't care if other people don't, then I urge you even more heartily to read this book. (And did I mention that she's British?)

I nearly rolled off the couch laughing. Twice. And in case my appeal above is not enough to convince you, allow me to impose upon you a couple excerpts:

Now, there are no laws against imprisoning apostrophes and making them look daft. Cruelty to punctuation is quite unlegislated: you can get away with pulling the legs off semicolons; shrivelling question marks on the garden path under a powerful magnifying glass; you name it. But the naming of Hear'Say in 2001 was nevertheless a significant milestone on the road to punctuation anarchy. As we shall see, the tractable apostrophe has always done its proper jobs in our language with enthusiasm and elegance, but it has never been taken seriously enough; its talent for adaptability has been cruelly taken for granted; and now, in an age of supreme graphic frivolity, we pay the price. Too many jobs have been heaped on this tiny mark, and--far from complaining--the apostrophe has seemingly requested "More weight", just like that martryish old codger in Arthur Miller's The Crucible, when religious bigots in black hats with buckles on are subjecting him to death by crushing. "More weight," the apostrophe has bravely said--if ever more faintly. "More weight," it manages to whisper still. But I ask you: how much more abuse must the apostrophe endure? Now that it's on its last legs (and idiotic showbiz promoters stick apostrophes in names for purely decorative purposes), isn't it time to recongise that the apostrophe needs our help? (pp. 36-37)

To those who care about punctuation, a sentence such as "Thank God its Friday" (without the apostrophe) rouses feelings not only of despair but of violence. The confusion of the possessive "its" (no apostrophe) with the contractive "it's" (with apostrophe) is an unequivocal signal of illiteracy and sets off a simple Pavlovian "kill" response in the average stickler. The rule is: the word "it's" (with apostrophe) stands for "it is" or "it has". If the word does not stand for "it is" or "it has" then what you require is "its". This is extremely easy to grasp. Getting your itses mixed up is the greatest solecism in the world of punctuation. No matter that you have a PhD and have read all of Henry James twice. If you still persist in writing, "Good food at it's best", you deserve to be struck by lightning, hacked up on the spot and buried in an unmarked grave. (pp. 43-44)

Yes, she's a bit extreme, but she gets her point across in a manner that is both entertaining and didactic. And the inner editor in me is loving every minute!