Today was my day to give an 8-minute sermonette (or devotion) on a passage of my choice from the readings for the day. I stayed up way too late last night trying to decide what I wanted to talk about, all the while silently bemoaning the fact that I had to do it at all, since I'm not in this program to become a preacher.
But you can't just tell your prof that all you want to do is write; thanks for the assignment, but it's not going to work out.
The way my prof conducts this activity, we have up to 8 minutes to read, exegete, explicate, and apply the text. After that, we sit down and everyone gets a chance to go around the table and offer a critique.
So I gave my presentation, and then we went around the room. People were both honest and fair in both the positive and negative critiques, and then we got to this one guy. He started laughing to himself, and then said, "I think...no, I'm not going to say it." To which I said, "Oh, just say it!"
"Well, as you were standing up there, it just kind of hit me: She's going to be such an asset as a wife to some guy someday."
It was so, so hilarious! I laughed so hard that I was almost crying. Oh, we laughed so hard because it was just the most completely out of the blue, random thing ever and had absolutely nothing to do with anything. I don't often blush, but I must have been bright red for several minutes afterward.
And then I started to think about it. What did I really think about that comment? I mean, on the one hand, it was flattering. Most girls want to be thought of as marriageable, even if they're not sure what they think about marriage.
And yet, to be honest, there was another side of me that really didn't like it. Didn't like it at all. My inner feminist rose up inside me: What do you mean I'll make a good wife someday? Can't I be something on my own? Are you really complimenting me, because what I'm almost hearing is that I'm an intelligent, capable girl who needs to know her place (which is apparently on some man's arm)?
Nothing against marriage, and nothing but good will toward those of you who are happily married. But in the year 2007, is that really the only thing that I should hope and strive for?
8 comments:
I think it was a compliment. And I think you should take it as such.
However, I don't think that marriage is all you (or anyone) should aspire to. Unless you are absolutely sure that being a mother is all that God has intended for your life, then take your time. Live. Travel. Write. Do whatever! Because after you get married, and especially after you start a family, there are many things that you won't be able to do. It's just the nature of life.
I'm curious to know what you spoke about...
Christie, I think you're right that it was a compliment (awkwardly weird though it was). And I'm not offended by it. Honestly.
I think there's just a part of me that is a little sensitive to comments like that. After all, I'm not married yet. And even though I very much want to be (to the right person), I am afraid that it will never really happen, and because of that fear, I feel threatened whenever it's insinuated that my life calling must center around marriage and family, because if that's the case, I'm a dreadful, hopeless failure.
It's all me and my issues. (I mean, this guy definitely has his own set of issues, but I agree with you that he meant no harm by his comment.)
My text was Acts 6:1-8. Not a terribly inspiring passage in itself (though quite interesting once you dig into the historical background of it), but it had to come from certain chapters, and it worked. If I get a chance, maybe I'll post my research later.
You know, M. got the same comment on Saturday, though I wasn't there to hear it. I'll admit, I had similar thoughts. Along the lines of, "What a relief! Because that's surely what she's spent her life preparing for! Because she surely is spending every waking hour wishing and hoping and thinking and praying :) that some marvelous man would allow her to fulfill her destiny!" Really, it's not a bad thing. It's nice to hear. (I'm assuming, since I don't think anyone has said that to me...) I hope, though, that I am always more than my job description, be it wife, mother, pianist, teacher, or pruner.
Forgot to mention: Thou art not a failure. At least 17 year olds aren't asking for your phone number.
I have to disagree.
I'll be honest. I'd love to be alot of things. I still aspire to accomplish alot, for my business', for my hobbies i'd like to get better at. etc.....
But 1st and foremost, I strive to follow Gods path, and to be the best husband I can be. It doesnt matter if I want to be the best sound engineer in the world, or best graphic designer, or that I practise my fingers off and be a great guitar and recieve any accolades or become notable for anything. All else besides God and your family(spouse, children) dont matter at the end of your life.
As far as that whole "knowing your place" thing at the end of you blog, honestly, whats better, being "your own woman", or being a part of a union that God created as much in His image as anything else.(relationally speaking)
Im terrible at conveying my feelings in writing so I hope that all made sense.
Just my 2 cents.
Hi Marshall! It's interesting; I posted this in another location as well, and your comment lines up with the other male comments I received. I don't necessarily diaagree with anything you've said.
But you can say that. You're married. I'm not. If I were, then maybe I might say the same things. But until I am, or until I even have any inkling that I might be, it's hard to view my life in that context.
Does that make senses?
Perhaps I'm reading too much into the original comment, but I think there's an important difference between the potential to be a good spouse and marriageability (perceived ability to achieve the married state). There are lots of factors that seem to be important to marriageability that are related marginally if at all to the inherent qualities of a person, or a spouse. Had I a son, if someone said of him, "He'll marry well," (do they still say that?) or "He'll have the girls all over him," that wouldn't particularly please me. But "He'll make some girl a fine husband some day," would be a different story: it speaks to the kind of character required to succeed at one of the most difficult "ordinary-person" tasks on Earth. (What said son would think of the matter, will remain unknown.) So I think your inner feminist can be happy with the compliment, as speaking to character and capabilities that are strictly yours, whether or not they are actually applied to the role of wife.
Is matrimony the only thing you should strive for? Please don't think so. Because if it were, it would rival (and hence interfere with) your pursuit of God, His kingdom, and His ways. You (rightly, I think) view your life in the context in which God has placed you, not a context in which He might place you someday. If at some point God leads you into marriage, then yes, that will be your and your husband's most important task on earth, and it will then be right for both of you to judge yourselves in that context. But unless and until that happens, doing so would be like my judging myself as a decathlete, or a warrior, or something else I'm clearly not. And that just hands the accuser of the Brethren more ammunition.
A final observation: "dreadful, hopeless failure" linked with your name constitutes oxymoron. And you can tell 'em I said so.
Wise words, WHW, and thank you.
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