Early Morning Wake-Up Call

Picture this: It’s a lovely Sunday morning in your typically quiet neighborhood. You’re lying in bed, deep in sleep, an hour away from the time when the alarm is set to begin rousing you. You are completely lost in your dreams; the world is dead to you.

Until gradually a sound creeps into your consciousness.

It’s the sound of yelling—specifically, a man yelling. It’s not a single yell (how could it be: it woke you, didn’t it?), but rather, a continued stream of shouting from a deep and booming voice. And as your mind begins to shake itself out of sleep world and into reality (or surreality), you begin to recognize what it is that you’re hearing.

“Jesus! Jesus is coming! Arise from your beds, you sleepers! Stand fast against the devil! Jesus! Jesus is coming!”

And yet, even though you understand the words, you’re still not quite sure what parallel universe you have awoken into. You haven’t heard any trumpets sounding, and it doesn’t sound as though the four riders of the apocalypse have appeared in the sky.

Rather, you realize as you drag yourself over to the window, that this is all the work of one large Bahamian-sounding man wearing a red basketball jersey, walking up and down your street.

You find it difficult to reconcile your initial response (an extreme desire to open the door and yell profanities at him, which you thankfully suppress). So you start analyzing, still groggily, the pros and cons of calling the police. You refrain. You wonder if everyone else who hears him will respond the same way.

You wonder how many of the neighbors are awake now—and how many of them are thinking such things as, “Christians are such freaks; what a jerk to wake us all up so early on a Sunday morning!” He keeps going, now shouting something about the glory of God, but only for a time. And it finally ends.

After which you sink back into that sleep which had earlier claimed you.

One of these days, I’ve got to write a book.