April 27, 2011

"It Only Ends Once"



"It only ends once.  Anything that happens before that is just progress."

Lost fans know this scene well.  On the eve of my last exam for this master's degree, I find myself reflecting on Jacob's words here (instead of...oh, sigh...studying).  It's easy to think that whatever difficult thing you're facing is your finale.  At least, I find this to be the case.

But that moment, that struggle, that grief--no matter how significant it may or may not be, it is not the end.

For me, that one thing right now is this exam.  Not terribly deep, but that's the real deal.  I've enrolled in and subsequently dropped this course twice before, and now I've almost made it to the end.  Except...it's not really the end.  No matter how I do tomorrow, it's not the end.  Maybe it means I don't have to sit in class anymore, but other than that, nothing will really have changed except I'll just be one step closer to the master's degree, which will then put me one step closer to...whatever follows that.

It only ends once.  This moment is not that end.  No matter what ends up happening.

And maybe you need to hear this as well--I don't know.  I need to hear it.  I need to write it.  Whatever it is that looms before you is not your end.  No matter what happens--success, failure; joy, sorrow--you're going to wake up again the next day and you're going to keep walking the path you're meant to walk.

And it's all going to be ok.  Really, it is.  I say this to myself as much as to anyone else who might read this.  It is all going to be ok.  All manner of things shall, as Lady Julian so frequently reminds me, be well.  There are so many reasons to hope.

Because it only ends once.  And that time has not yet come.

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