I know most of my posts have been hopelessly unentertaining lately, and I am sorry that those of you who read my blog have been forced to endure my extreme upsetness over situations that have occurred beyond my control at work.
Change still lurks in the air, but I am at peace with it. I think.
I was supposed to have a meeting with my VP this afternoon--one where there was potential to either mend the strained relationship we currently have or one where there was potential for me to lose my cool and say something that I might later regret. I was up late into the night worrying about it, but an hour or so before we were supposed to meet, the meeting got cancelled.
To me, this was a sign that today was not the day for such an encounter, whatever that encounter would have been. It now appears that Tuesday will be the day.
I am fairly sure that my job description is going to be restructured. I am not alone in this situation. I have come to a place where I think I will be ok with whatever he decides as long as it means I can be free to do my work (whatever he decides that should be) without someone constantly looking over my shoulder, judging me, which is what I feel is happening now (though I cannot say for certain that my feelings are accurate).
Several years ago, I read this completely wonderful book called Peace Like A River by Leif Enger. A quotation that stuck with me from that novel is "Fair is whatever God decides to do." (Hopefully I'm not misquoting; I can't remember where I wrote it down.) I have recently been reminded of this, and I am trying to keep it at the forefront of my thoughts as situations progress (and regress!) on the job. "Fair is whatever God decides to do." So if He is leading me to walk away from this place, then at least I will consider it to be a very clear sign. And if He is leading me to press on through what feels like unfair and undeserved persecution, then I know His greater plan is waiting for me on the other side of it.
And there is great hope in that thought. I feel as though I am coming slowly to a place of peace, no matter what else may occur.
2 comments:
Bravo, Jana! And I mean that in the most literal sense -- bravely done! I admire your courage to trust God working on you and in you, even (or especially) when it hurts. I'll be praying for you on Tuesday.
"Fair is whatever God decides to do." What a brilliant, succinct statement of a profound truth! You and Mr. Enger have just provided the subject for this evening's meditation. Thank you!
Now, let me be perfectly clear; I don't read your blog because it's entertaining or well-written or deeply philosophical or any of those things that it certainly is. I read your blog because it's snippets of Jana in the computer, and I like Jana plenty. So there. :)
That being said, have you noticed you're one of the Wheeler family's favorite bloggers? They comment more for you than they do for me! Is this right? Maybe you should be a little _less_ entertaining and well-written and philosophical...
I'm just glad that change is finally coming. The clouds have to break sometime, and better the storm than this oppression you've been dealing with. And you have such a strong shelter.
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